Lonely But Not Alone
by SayDuh
Summary: The pills help Santana escape her thoughts of Brittany, but even they won't help when she has to face reality. Crap summary, give it a shot.


**Author's Note: So. New story. I'll be sticking to this one, and Gold, if anyone reads that. I'm proud of them both so far. Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: Glee isn't mine.**

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><p>She liked the way that the pills made her feel. She liked how she could pick any random 3, mix them, and not know what would happen. She knew she could die, something could go wrong, the pills wouldn't go good together, she'd take too much, a whole list of things could happen.<p>

She didn't care.

She had never actually thought about killing herself, things weren't that bad. But deep down she knew that if things ever got that far, she wouldn't really mind. After everything that happened she couldn't find much to live for.

After High School things went downhill. They were supposed to go to college together, move in together, start a family. But Brittany changed her mind. She needed time. Funny, that's the same thing Santana had told her all of High School.

_"I need time, Brittany. I'm not ready." she held the girl's hands in her own. "I promise you when I'm ready, I'll come out. We'll be able to do what other couples can in school. We'll hold hands, and kiss. I'll kick anyone's ass if they say something. "_

_ " But why can't we do all of that NOW San? Don't you think I've waited long enough. It hurts seeing you date all these other boys you know. It's gross. I don't like it. Why can't you stop that at least? "_

_ " I need to keep my image up, Britt. Don't you understand that? If I don't have someone at all times people are gonna start wondering "_

_ " But I'LL be your someone. Why can't I show everyone how much I love you? How much WE love each other. "_

_ " You don't understand, that's all. "_

_ " You're right, I don't. And I don't want to. I won't wait forever. Make your mind up. " _

_She could hear the venom in her voice, and her words really stung. Brittany had never snapped at her before, the roles were becoming reversed and she didn't like it._

_" Britt please, you don't have to go. " _

_" I do. Get used to it, one day I'll be gone for good if you keep this up. "_

_ " You don't mean it. " she shot back._

But she had meant it, she followed through with her promise.

Things weren't always this bad, it's not like Santana had completely given up once Brittany left. She understood why she had, or at least she thought she did. She hadn't left because Santana refused to come out, she left because of what happened after. She still remembered the night perfectly and it killed her inside.

But that's what the pills were for. They helped her forget. Everyone said she was tearing herself down, but it was the opposite. This was helping her, more than anything else. She tried therapists, talking to people, even crying it out, it never worked.

She couldn't stand living in Lima anymore so she did what she always did, she ran away. So here she was in her studio apartment, living in Miami, Florida. The environment seemed good enough for her. The people were seemingly nice, not that she cared or talk to them, no one would give her trouble though. It wasn't all that dangerous if you knew what you were doing, and what places to avoid. She loved the beach, apart from the pills it was the only thing that calmed her down. And then whenever she needed a fix because things were getting rough, she could always find some cheap dealer in some alley.

As for the living cost, it wasn't all that cheap. Her studio apartment wasn't small and cramped, it was pretty roomy for only having one room. But this all came with a condition, she had to work at the antiques store below her, which totally sucked. The owner was a Cuban grandpa who barely spoke English, so she had to do all the talking when it came to customers.

Every day it was the same thing, over excited tourists would come to look for some kind of ancient rock or some shit, and beaming at every small trinket they saw. They didn't know that they could probably find all this junk at some market for half the price. They just enjoyed the idea of buying real 'antiques', bringing them home to their families and bragging about how nice their trip was. She envied them. They took vacations, and came home to loving families. Their families. If she had a family she'd never leave them to go on some stupid vacation, she'd spend as much time as she could with them.

At the end of the day Santana would go back up to her lonely apartment, and that was that. She didn't have a life, didn't have a family, didn't have anything but her solitude.

When she woke up the next morning she had no memory of what had happened the night before, and she didn't care.

She took a few advils an got prepared for yet another horrendous day of work. The old man was nowhere in sight so she figured that he'd probably decided to not show together, leaving her to tend after the shop, nothing new. It was ridiculous how she was actually willing to get up every morning at 5 a.m to run a dusty old shop just because it gave her something to do. It wasn't like she didn't have any other options, she' been given lots of job offers. Cafe's, restaurants, bars, clubs, you name it she had a job offer there. They all wanted a hot young girl to bring in customers, disgusting. She chose the little shop because there was something different about the old man.

He found her one day when she was sitting outside his shop just crying. It seemed pretty empty in the area so she didn't think she'd get into too much trouble for being there. He came outside and started yelling at her in Spanish because she was loitering and scaring customers away. But he soon realized that she was broken, so he took her in. Even though he was much older than her actual father, he seemed like a father figure.

He clothed her, fed her, and gave her a place to stay, she couldn't ask for anything more. She was more than happy to give him the help he needed with the shop, but it soon began to wear her out. The days were long and the pay wasn't great, but she couldn't complain because she never had to pay bills or rent.

She sat at the rickety old desk, absentmindedly tapping the pen on it. She hated moments like this because they always led her to thinking, and it was always about the same thing.

_"Pull over" _

_"What?"_

_ "I said pull over, pretty simple instructions Brittany" she said, a smile forming on her lips. Brittany looked confused, as if she didn't know what was gonna happen next._

_ The old Chevrolet stopped on a path of dirt and gravel and Santana quickly whipped her seat belt off. She crawled into the back seat and sent the blonde a dazzling smile, beckoning her to come to her. _

_" San..what are you do- "_

_ She cut her off " Just come here, I wanna cuddle. "_

_ " In the middle of a drive home? "_

_ " Yes, I have needs Britt Britt "_

_ The girl rolled her eyes, knowing what 'needs' her girlfriend had. She obliged though, sitting herself on Santana's lap. The brunette snaked her arms around her girlfriend's waist and beckoned her to lie down. Her lips instantly connected with the smooth milky skin of the girl's neck, eliciting a moan from her._

_ " And to think you were trying to resist this " she let out with a chuckle._

She didn't notice that she was crying or that she had even been reminiscing until she heard the bells on the door ringing. She had bought those for the old man when she began working here. They were so much sweeter than most store bells, they welcomed you in instead of scaring you away. She didn't feel like facing any customers right now since her heart was still aching from the memories she had just been having, but she put on her best positive attitude and prepared for a disaster waiting to happen.

She heard the excited screech of a small child and rolled her eyes, she hated when kids came in here.

" Mommy I'm sure I saw a teddy bear in here, I'm positive "

" Sweetie this doesn't seem like a place for toys. "

" Mommy I'm sure it was here, please come on lets go in the back maybe it's there. "

Oh no, now she'd have to face the obnoxious little brat and her mother. She just wanted the day to be over already.

" Devin honey I don't think so, I don't even see a shop keeper in here "

She was getting more and more annoyed every second.

" Mommy let's just seeeee " She heard a sigh of reluctance and a mumble of unhappiness. A bundle of blonde curls rushed down the aisle and practically smashed into the desk Santana was sitting at.

" Hey kid watch it, I don't want you cracking the wood. "

" I'm so sorry I should've held her h- " The woman stopped in mid sentence. Santana dropped the pen she had been playing with and stared in shock, not actually sure if she was dreaming or not.

The little girl tugged at the hem of the woman's shorts.

" Momma, what are you looking at? Did you see the monster I told you about? He's nice I told you! "

" Uh, no sweetie. Why don't you go find the teddy bear you wanted, just don't break anything " the woman mumbled distractedly.

Once the child was gone the woman in front of Santana narrowed her eyes and raised her eyebrows as if in disbelief.

" Now would you look at this, Santana Lopez. "

"I'm sorry do I know you?" she said, her voice cracking. Even she didn't believe her own question. Of course she knew her. How had she not recognized that voice in the first place.

" Oh Come, you know oh too well that it's me. Have you missed me? "

" Still don't know what you're talking about.. " she mumbled reluctantly.

" Oh please, how could you ever forget me, Brittany Susan Pierce? " she asked, dramatically clutching her chest in disbelief.

Hearing that name and seeing that face again was like putting salt on an open wound, you didn't know how much it would hurt until it actually happened.

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><p><strong>Review! I won't go on if no one wants me to. Hope you enjoyed :)<strong>


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